It Sucks Being a Newborn/ My Parents are Incompetent

As written by baby changinator:

Why it sucks to be a newborn:

1) You get evicted by literally getting pushed and squished (something about contractions) out of your climate-controlled, 24-hr buffet, into this horrifically cold, dry environment where you have to work for your food, all the while getting your head squashed into a shape resembling Dan Aykroyd’s cabeza in that old SNL sketch Coneheads.  Yeah, it sucked.

2) You are left in the hands of these people who, while they reportedly have multiple/ advanced degrees between them, have no idea what they are doing.

3) You try to help direct them into doing what you want using very simple cries with different pitches and tones, but they are freakin’ tone deaf and can’t decipher the different commands. (You suspect some sort of mental retardation.)

4) 3.5 weeks later they finally figure out that the swing is your favorite spot.

5) Ugh.  It’s always too cold or too hot.

6) You have to wet and poop yourself.  Is there no other way?

7)  They keep wanting to put you down somewhere. Man I miss the good old days.

8) Lullabies. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9) What’s with the reading?   I can’t see the pictures people.

10) Seriously, what is so hard?   ‘Mother’ keeps falling asleep on the job while you’re eating.  Amateur.  (I would fire her but I’m having difficulty finding a replacement.)

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